Effective conversations in the company: emotional intelligence to resolve conflicts
To lead is to speak. From 22 to 31%, depending on the studies we look at (CPP, Accenture, Psychometrics) is the number of people who face different levels of conflict, each week, in their organization. More alarming, it is to know that 1 professional in 4 leaves his company because of the overload of conflicts which he has in his company (own survey carried out n = 416 on Linkedin). Knowing how to converse requires different skills, it is not only a superior skill but it is closely related to a multitude of skills, that is, which can be developed.
We all have an inner voice that tells us when we need to have a difficult conversation with someone, one that, if conducted, would improve office life for us and everyone else on our team. But fear stifles that inner voice and we postpone the conversation. Meanwhile, the “offending” individual continues to perform poorly, miss deadlines, engage in interpersonal conflict, and exhibit poisonous behavior.
Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann have developed five conflict resolution strategies that people use to manage conflict, which they call Avoid, Overcome, Compromise, Accommodate, and Collaborate.
This is based on the assumption that people choose how cooperative and assertive they should be when there is conflict. Suggests that everyone has favorite ways of responding to conflict, but most of us use all methods in various circumstances.
Plato, promoted a concept of communication very different from that of the Sophists. In his Dialogues, Plato suggested a rhetoric based on true knowledge, and not on argumentative tricks or deep manipulations. An articulate leader can tell the truth to his associates, expressing more than mere opinions, so that they can intuitively grasp the wisdom behind him.
Plato reminds us that communication starts from ideas, that not everything is physical, and that human beings can move and influence others from kindness, righteousness, or other virtues.
He also demystified the role of the senses. Our perceptions of others are nothing more than that, and it has helped establish a shifting view of the unintelligible world accessible through science and knowledge.
These ideas, along with those of Socrates, form an essential basis for good leadership training. The reader does not hesitate to approach the works of the cited authors.
When we don’t feel safe or under attack, adrenaline kicks in and our brains go into fight or flight mode.
Which leads to mental blindness, a complete lack of insight and empathy.
Even at a moderate level, we lose the ability to know how to behave in certain social situations. We begin to act in a way that protects ourselves with defensive, selfish and self-centered attitudes.
Most of us were probably brought up with the belief that emotions should be left out. We now know that this is an old-fashioned approach that is no longer valid in today’s work environments. It is your responsibility as a leader to understand and deal with the emotions in the discussion. The late Robert Plutchik, professor at the Albert Einstein School of Medicine, created the Wheel of Emotions. I invite you to dive into it.
The wheel starts off as an annoyance which, for example, can turn into anger and, in extreme cases, escalate into rage. We can avoid this by being aware of preserving the dignity of the person and treating them with respect, even if we do not fully agree with them.
Accept the tears instead of ignoring them, offer the person a handkerchief to give them the opportunity to collect their thoughts, and recognize that crying is not a problem but a shadow of something more important.
There will be times in the conversation when silence will occur. Don’t be too quick to fill it with words. Silence has a relaxing effect, it is the pause between songs on a record, it promotes order and mental reflection. your timing, can lead to a better result.
There are different levels of conversation. We will deal with those that generate relevant movements in relationships. The most difficult conversations are the ones that involve us emotionally, the ones where the consequences of not doing so are high.
As we developed in the Advanced Delegate Leadership course, conflict resolution is the ability to approach differences and find common ground that allows everyone to work together harmoniously.
People who can identify conflicts, recognize different opinions and reach consensus are valuable to many organizations. For us, the ability to resolve conflicts is seen as a leadership trait. And that involves various mental and emotional skills that we can group together as conversational skills.
what do we do in the conflict?
When the discussion begins, be clear about why. Stating the purpose of the conversation helps set the tone for the rest of the conversation.
Plus, all parties can reduce some of the stress of the conversation by expressing how they feel about each other.
Immediately after expressing your own feelings, use an objective, non-confrontational statement to express why you feel that way.
It’s much easier to talk about content issues than it is to talk about role models or relationships. Do yourself a favor and speak early and often. It won’t be an easier conversation, but you will find that he has fewer schema and relationship issues in his life.
Don’t just talk about content issues when model or relationship issues are the real issue – if you do, you’ll likely have the same conversation again.
If you’re not sure what level to lead the conversation to, ask yourself, “What do I really want from this conversation?” »Focus on your long-term goals.
Most cultural issues within a family, team, or organization are related to role models or relationships. Rarely does a problem become irritating to the crop after the first time.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC), another aspect covered in the course, is a communication process developed by Marshall Rosenberg that focuses on three aspects of communication:
• Honest self-expression
Nonviolent communication is based on the idea that all human beings have the capacity for compassion and only resort to violence or behaviors that hurt others when they fail to recognize more effective strategies to meet their needs.
The four components of NVC are Observations, Feelings, Needs and Demands and NVC deals with expressing / receiving honestly with empathy through the four components.
Observations are what we see or hear that we identify as the stimulus to our reactions. Our aim is to describe what we react to in a concrete, specific and neutral way, in the same way that a video camera could capture the moment. It helps to create a shared reality with the other person. Observation provides the context for expressing our feelings and needs, and it may not even be necessary if both people are clear about the context.
The spirit of the petitions is based on our willingness to hear “no” and continue to work with ourselves or others to find ways to meet each other’s needs. Whether we make a request or a complaint, it often appears from our response that our request is denied. A denied claim will have painful consequences; a refused request will often lead to a more in-depth dialogue.
Expressing our own observations, feelings, needs and requests to others is part of NVC. The second part is empathy: the process of connecting with another by guessing their feelings and needs. Empathic connection can sometimes occur in silence, but in times of conflict, communicating to another person that we understand their feelings and that their needs are important to us can be a powerful turning point in problematic situations.
Both the expression of our own feelings and needs, and empathetic conjectures of the feelings and needs of others are based on a special awareness that is at the heart of NVC. This awareness feeds on the practice of self-compassion.
There are hundreds of books on the subject of difficult, crucial, stimulating, and important conversations. Those times when you know you should be talking to someone, but you don’t. Maybe you’ve tried it before and it went wrong. Or maybe you’re worried that talking will only make it worse. Still, there is a feeling of being stuck and you would like to release that stuck energy for more useful purposes.
What you read here is a quick summary that at Delegate Solutions we consider best practice strategies: a checklist of action items to consider before starting the conversation; some useful concepts to practice during the conversation; and a few tips and tricks to help keep your energy focused and flowing, including possible openings for conversation.
Think about a conversation that you put off. Please read this article and prepare it carefully. Teach your employees to converse. See the changes quickly.