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Worried about seeing your boss again? The keys to manage it

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Worried about seeing your boss again? The keys to manage it

After months of telecommuting, many companies are returning to the presence in September, with what that implies: seeing the boss again. This can worry us, because if not handled properly, it is possible that it will end up generating a feeling of deep unease, rejection of joining presence, bad mood or even anxiety.

BY RRHHD Digital, 11:00 a.m. – August 23, 2021

With a large part of the population vaccinated, the 100% telework models have their days numbered and companies have already invited their employees to return to the office at the turn of the summer, one of the routines that we will recover and which we have abandoned With the teleworking that the pandemic has brought us is living with the boss. The clinches, the presentations, the explanation of the results … Seeing the boss again can cause us some worries during our vacation, which although this is understandable in a normal year, in this situation has become more pronounced over time. seeing each other stretched out more than necessary.

The psychologists at ifeel, the psychological support platform for individuals and organizations, analyze in this report how to prepare for this moment and how to improve the relationship with our boss in the long term.

Return to work with the boss after months of telecommuting

Re-interacting directly each day with a boss we don’t connect with after months of telecommuting can produce a tremendous sense of discomfort. Its good management depends on the reaction in which the said discomfort occurs. Sometimes our boss is just someone we don’t get along with or who “would never be our friend”, but we can tolerate his company more or less well. In this case, what we will experience will be laziness or something similar, but our well-being will not be affected much more.

At other times, the worst, our boss is not just someone we don’t connect with, but someone we find obnoxious or aggressive, or whose work methodology and personal disposition interfere. significantly with our performance. In this case, it is no longer just that we are lazy to have to share space with him / her again after the oasis of telecommuting, but that we will start to activate ourselves more intensely: our body, our mind, our emotions and behavior indicate that we feel a strong sense of rejection towards that person or, at least, towards the direct relationship with him. Thus, we will react according to whether what the presence of the boss causes us is rejection in the form of fear, dislike, discomfort or a lack of connection for not feeling like a friendly and welcome member of the team. When faced with something that we perceive to be threatening for some reason, the most instinctive thing is to run away, although if we have to go to the office by force, maybe there is no way out and we have to opt for something more of the isolated type, avoid contact as much as possible and take not only physical but also mental and emotional distance (not to be obsessed with our aversion but to remember that our relationship with the boss and our mission with this no one goes further and it is no use being constantly upset, or shaking every time they ask us something). Focusing on the task and seeking the company and complicity of colleagues with whom we are in contact can help us do this.

The psychologists at Ifeel have 10 suggestions on how to build a positive enough relationship with your boss for the long haul.

Don’t pretend impossible. Sometimes the best way to take care of relationships is to take them as they are and keep them where they are so they don’t get worse. This is what happens when you are not lucky enough to have a nice, solvent, open and available boss, but with someone with whom you do not fit in and with whom you always have to work hard so that communication is fluid. In these cases we have to learn to observe what the relationship is and not what it should be, assuming that where there is none it cannot be taken. the people. Relationships change us, but only if we are individually open and ready to be influenced by each other. Your boss has his flaws (or characteristics that you don’t like) and some of them aren’t going to turn into virtues just because you insist on them. Of course, don’t try to be your boss’s boss, direct his business, or indirectly suggest how he should do his job. Don’t look for friends or relatives in your bosses. Sometimes, depending on our relationship needs, we subconsciously seek to establish a relationship with our boss that we hope will bring us pleasure, reciprocity, protection, advice … A boss can provide us with all of these things. , of course, but should always do it from his own role, without confusing affections and behaving in too casual or overprotective ways. Likewise, one should not become too “nice” or become childish. Learn how to deal with relational asymmetries. No matter how confident you are, your boss is your boss and you need to keep some distance. Just because you get along doesn’t necessarily mean you’re friends, and you like him doesn’t mean he likes you the same. Each of you has a different responsibility within the relationship, no two of you are the same working together. At some point, things can go wrong, he may need to get serious with you, or you may need to face the solution of a serious issue that concerns you both. If you have well-differentiated roles and you do not cross certain barriers, it will be easier for you to oscillate between a serious register and a more relaxed register. Give him security. You don’t have to be aggressive or forceful to make your boss look safe, you just need to convey confidence and understanding to your boss and of course let them see that. the job is well done. Bosses in the end value results more than words. Don’t be intimidated. Some bosses can be harsh, unapproachable, or imposing due to their level of authority and knowledge. Anyway, they are also people: they make mistakes, get sick, feel overwhelmed, doubt … Respecting your boss is not living in fear, but knowing how to observe him with his qualities and its flaws to be able to communicate smoothly. Don’t bother trying to impress her. It is true that, especially when we have just arrived in a company, or when we feel that for some reason our performance is in question, we step on the accelerator and want to demonstrate our capabilities intensely. However, this can often cause us to overreact or be a burden. Although we must know how to sell what we do well, our abilities are often demonstrated by the results we produce, it is not necessary to be all two out of three to justify ourselves or try to generate an intense impression on our higher, because it is not always good for the company. Show him that you are listening and understanding him. Bosses look for freelancers, but they get very nervous when they feel that employees are doing what they see fit, no matter what instructions they are given. Make your boss perceive that you are receiving his messages with care, communicate it and put them into practice, that’s just what he needs to feel good about yourself. Let her know what is going well for you. Tell her what you need to feel good, or at least what makes you feel bad. This is not always possible, as it requires a high level of trust between the two of you. However, whenever you can, directly or indirectly indicate to your boss which attitudes work best for you and which, on the contrary, make you more nervous and less successful. Sometimes it’s as simple as suggesting when it’s best for you to have weekly meetings or exactly how long you need to complete a specific task. Communicate in all sincerity. Obviously, we all want to treat information with competence and discretion so that it does not harm us and so as not to annoy our boss with problems that are not his business, that he cannot solve or that he cannot solve. better than we solve it ourselves. However, the ideal attitude for the relationship at work and trust is to be honest, admit mistakes, ask for help before difficulties turn into crises, and give advice when asks them in an honest and non-hurtful way.

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